Dr. Mary C. McDonald
There is a passage from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass that reads, “A child goes forth each day, and the first object that the child sees, that object he becomes, for a day, or part of a day, or for days stretching into years.” For me, as a child growing up, that “object” was my parents. What I saw in them, I have become, for days stretching into years. The older I get, the more it surprises me how of much of me is them. A parent’s influence never really stops. The influence really just transitions into the next roles as grandparent and great grandparent, and lives on for generations. In fact, one’s death notice should read, “…and is survived by ______, ______, and his/her influence. I wonder, however, if we are aware of just how strongly we influence our children, whatever the age of our children.
It is more than the mere external imitation like the mini-mes we see at the Mall. We see fathers and sons wearing the same team shirts, or mothers and daughters dressed alike. It is an influence that internalizes attitudes and beliefs. It is an influence that has a sense of the spiritual, of following in one’s footsteps, and of a willingness to learn. It is not just knowledge, but wisdom that is transmitted from person to person. Even if there are differences and rough roads and strains in the relationship along the way, for the most part, the influence outlasts any denial of it. And our children become us, just as we became our parents, for a day, or part of a day, or for days stretching into years.
In my own life, my parents' influence shaped my character, my values, and my faith. For them, it was not about settling for “as good as it gets”. I identified with their example of continuous improvement, to be all you can be, all God calls you to be. The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. And they are still, even in their old age, influencing.
When my father, Joe Crowley, turned 95, to celebrate the event we had a book signing party for him. His first book, Tales of a Landlocked Sailor, had just been published. He started it a couple years ago when he was in the hospital for an extended stay. He said that “When an old person dies, a little bit of history dies with him.” He wanted to share this little bit of history that he experienced with his grandchildren and great grandchildren. It is not the story of his life, but rather remembrances of things that he has done, or seen, or heard over a long and eventful life. They are the kind of things we just knew about each other in the days when people sat on front porches and talked.
His experiences span a time when more changes occurred than any other period in history. He is a very private person and he never meant the stories to be read by anyone other than his family. But then they were published. Now that it has been read by others, he finds that the book encourages them to share their little piece of history, to sit on the front porch of the 21st century with their families and share their stories.
The book ends with a paragraph written to his grandchildren about the challenges they will face in their lifetime: “challenges to your values; challenges to your virtues; challenges to your way of life; challenges to your principles; challenges to your faith.” But he is sure that “with your background and upbringing you will resist the temptations and overcome the challenges.” In his own way, he is leaving footprints to follow. His work on a sequel stopped this week when his condition worsened and he began Hospice care.
Leaving work unfinished, but so much more completed, my father died March 19th, the feast of St. Joseph, for whom he was named.
In your own life, there is a child, a friend, a spouse, a coworker or a relative who goes forth each day, and if the first “object” they encounter is you, what will they become because of you, for a day, or part of a day, or for days stretching into years? If we are to influence others to following our footsteps, whose footsteps do we follow? If our plans for our own journey include continuous improvement, then there is only one set of footprints to follow. They are the footprints of Jesus whose invitation, “Come, follow Me”, calls us to be a person of faith, a person of influence, a person who leads others to Him, for days stretching into years.
